Tough Times Ahead For Heidi - by Joe

Waiting to hear the tumor marker results

Yesterday's (April 2) tumor markers (labwork that tracks her cancer) confirmed that Heidi's adriamycin chemo has not worked and her cancer is growing.  So they stopped that chemo and told us to wait to hear what her Oncologist plans next. 



Meanwhile I was having increasing pain from my surgery and my Oncologist ordered a CT scan yesterday, which showed the post cancer surgery drain was not working.

After the bad news, staying at the SCCA House

Today, I had outpatient surgery to place a deeper drain that will hopefully work better.  When we got home from my surgery, Heidi's Oncologist contacted us with thier plan: MRIs to establish a baseline of Heidi's current cancer status and then starting another chemotherapy called taxol.

Waiting for my outpatient surgery

As you can see from the photos, we pray, we laugh, we cry.  When I get scared about Heidi I remember the amazing hikes and climbs we've done since Spring of 2011 (almost 40!).  She's tough, she's determined and I plan on supporting her better and better as God shows me how.



No despair.  None. 
Pray..  Laugh..  Cry..

Thank you for caring,
Joe

Living Strong With Bad News - by Joe

New Years Day 2012 hike up Jefferson Ridge

There's just no easy way to say it.  The latest scans are very scary.


For the first time, they've found cancer in Heidi's liver.  And now, they have found a new tumor in her right hip that affects weight bearing strength; meaning potentially hiking, walking.


So, we did a challenging hike/climb up Jefferson Ridge on New Years Day, to start 2012 out with an adventure.  We had communion on the summit.  We enjoyed the challenging route through deep, steep snow.  We took in the spectacular views.  We pray God will let us continue seeking & worshipping Him in high places like the 28 hikes/climbs we did in 2011.

Tumor Markers being drawn at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

By next week we should know if Heidi's chemo and/or activity must change.  We should also know if the new mass in my prostate is cancer or not.


Whatever happens, we will face it together with our eyes set on God.

View of Mount Washington from Jefferson Ridge on our New Years Day hike

As always,

Thank you for your prayers/positive thoughts!

- Joe (& Heidi)

Taking The Battle To New Heights! - by Joe

As cancer gets scarier and scarier, Heidi and I have managed to get healthier and healthier.. eating right, losing weight, gaining muscle.  Praying like crazy.

I wish I could transport you to some of the incredible mountains we have climbed/hiked since my last post.  Now that we can manage steep trails, we've tackled increasingly challenging summits in the past 2 months. 
We also take communion on top of each one, celebrating God's love for us. Cancer is a terrible disease, where your own cells decide to turn into monsters and attack you. It is so intense. But we're finding that adventures can be equally or more intense, putting cancer in its place

Hike on!

And as always, thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts!

- Joe & Heidi

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Those Really Bad Days With Cancer -By Joe

Everyone has ups and downs in life.  With cancer some of the down days can be quite low.  Last Wednesday was a case in point:

• Heidi's neutrophil count(normal white blood cells) was too low to allow getting her weekly chemotherapy dose
• Heidi's rise in tumor markers(a test for increased cancer growth) was abnormally high.  That along with her increasing tumor site pain implies the chemotherapy might be failing to stop cancer growth
• We found out we'd enter the infamous Medicare 'hole', where the expensive chemo and other prescriptions are no longer covered until we reach a much higher 'level'
• Upon returning home, we found that our neighbors' dogs had broken in to the chicken pen and killed all four of Heidi's hens

What do you do on a day like that?  Cry? ..of course.  But this amazing lady also chose to complete a very steep hike up Tiger Mountain and to laugh at my dumb jokes.  And sing.  And pray.

I consider my faith in Christ fairly strong and growing each day.  But wow!  Watching Heidi's faith in action is humbling indeed.  We may be facing a very difficult chapter in the battle, but there are many more mountains to climb and songs to sing.

As always, thanks for your compassion, your prayers, your positive thoughts!

-Joe

God, Why Us? - by Joe

Many, if not all cancer patients at some point wrestle with the question, "Why me?"  ..as do cancer patient spouses/significant others.  Personally, I do not think there is an adequate answer to this, or the more general question "Why is there suffering?"  A more practical issue is how you handle the question when it surfaces inside.

In our case, we had just spent a small fortune remodeling our old house in order to pass inspection for fostering-to-adopt a child.  Then boom!  Cancer.  Adoption was no longer a possibility.  Along with that heartbreak came confusion: neither of us have family histories of cancer! So why, why, why?

As Christians, we aimed the question at God.  Were we agnostic/atheist it might have been railing at an unfair Universe.  Either way, ignoring it just makes depression worse. 

I think for both of us the question was a muddy mix of self-pity and sincerity.  Emotional and intellectual.  The answer has to be a personal one to move on, not some theology or scientific hypothesis. Amid the amazing theories well-meaning friends hurled our way (sinning, eating the wrong foods, stress, pollution, bad water, etc.) we have both achieved some sort of answer.  I see it as a mystery and an opportunity to choose solidarity and empathy with others' suffering.  On top of that, I think we both see cancer as just one of many realities from living in a 'fallen world' based on Jesus's teachings in the Gospels. 

The benefits of facing the question we've found are many: less depression, less feeling sorry for ourselves, less energy drained, less despair.  Not that the question doesn't still sit there.  But there is a healthy truce.

For anyone reading this that is newly diagnosed, I urge you to wrestle honestly with the question and don't pretend it's not there.  Keep wrestling until you find an answer you can live with.

As always, thank you so much for your amazing support!

Joe

Staying Upbeat With 'MiniCelebrations' -by Joe

We get lots of encouragement for our habit of pre- or post-chemotherapy 'dates'..often a cafe or a hike on chemo days.

The tradition really started on the horrible day in May 2008 when scans showed that Heidi's breast cancer was back, spread to both lungs and her bones.  After an emotional upheavel that day, we staggered down to the waterfront and committed suicide..by chocolate!  At the BluWater Bistro on Lake Union we ordered a 'death-by-chocolate' dessert that was so huge we couldn't even finish it.

From there, we expanded the idea of adding fun to cancer center visits to include hiking, trying new cafes, ferry rides, photography walks, the Seattle Aquarium, etc. 

Looking back since that momentous chocolate dessert, I am so grateful for the 'live each day fully' reminder these dates have reinforced!

And a huge thanks to so many friends and family that have cheered on this mini-celebration tradition!

- Joe