Monday, August 1, 2011

Dealing With Deadly Uncertainty

I can't recall a time since 2008 that we have faced so much uncertainty and fear.  Hopefully, we trust God with it better now and deal with it in healthier ways.

Heidi's Bone and CT scans a couple weeks ago showed 3 new tumors, on her skull, rib and lung.  Her Oncologist is not changing anything until either her tumor marker lab results or her symptoms worsen.  At that point, they will try a different chemotherapy.  Which is frightening, because there is no assurance a new chemo will even work (two others have failed in the past).

To complicate matters, last week my own, new Oncologist found a mass on my prostate.  So we are hoping it is post-bladder-chemo inflammation and not more cancer.  But we won't know until he does more diagnostics, including a cystoscopy on August 17th.  That cysto will also be the one to show whether I have new bladder tumors.

Tough stuff to deal with.  Our time investments in friendships, exercise, dieting, hiking, kayaking, joking around and more importantly, prayer.. these all make it easier to handle than in 2008 when we we first learned about the cancers.  But it is still really hard.  And in a way, living each day more fully just makes you long for longevity even more.

My own new motto I am trying to act out in this time of uncertainty:
"You can achieve serenity without handing cancer the house keys".

We love and appreciate all of you reading this.  Thank you.

- Joe