Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Called To Be Quiet -by Heidi

I am definitely in a new place in my walk with God. He has been telling me for some time now that I am called to be quiet. I am still not quite sure what that means. I have been trying to do contemplative prayer, hiking and praising God in nature, building an attitude of thankfulness for each day and to give myself permission to let go of all the "to do" activities that I see around me or want to participate in. That has gotten me part of the way. But this ratcheting up of our distressing circumstances (the failure of my moderate chemo causing me to move to a much stronger chemo to combat growing cancer in my liver and bones; Joe's diagnosis of a second kind of cancer leading to a radical prostatectomy complicated by an additional surgery for possible bladder tumor removal in March) has caused me to seek more.

How DO I Glorify God when my brain is foggy, my body hurts, I grieve for myself and my beloved husband? Somehow, I always thought, "well, if I can't DO anything, I will be quiet and lay on the couch and pray and read and write encouraging letters to people". Doesn't that seem holy? And yet, the reality on those days is that I can't think well enough to pray, I have little energy to read anything more difficult than light fiction and I can't put words together to write to anyone. I don't even want to talk to anyone on the phone.

So I sought God's answer. A friend reminded me of a castle in her part of England that was besieged and it fell because it's source of water was outside it's walls. I asked God to remind me of more ways He could strengthen the well of life within me. I thought of the children's song: " Spring up Oh Well, within my soul. Spring up Oh Well and make me whole. Spring up Oh Well and give to me, that life abundantly".

Act 2:4 And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.
Rom 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps our
infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Original photo by artist Sid Armstrong
sent to us as a symbol of hope.
So I am adding a time of using prayer language to my daily time with Him. So far it seems helpful because: I don't need to be intellectually steady, all of it is from Him, it requires nothing but obedience from me, and I am strangely calmed and strengthened by it.

Thank you again for your prayers and support of us.
We know we could NOT make it without you.

Love & Blessings,


  1. God bless you, Heidi, and rest and restore your spirit. Love, Cynthia

  2. The image of the well within and infinite is very important to me to. We don't have to DO anything. It is simply there. And those hard days are just hard.

  3. Wonderful, Heidi! May you continue to grow spiritually.

  4. Blessings on you and Joe, always! It seems that God's love is making itself clear to you through your study and prayer.

  5. That's a wow, Heidi. Admitting our need is vital in our relationship with our Lord, and you are doing that. "Be still and know that I am God." I have a magnet: "Let go and let God."
    Yes, it's difficult to do because we are such "I can do it myself!" humans.
    Thanks so much for being such a great example for the rest of us. Love and prayers for you both

  6. Hello- can't believe I found this blog. I have stage 3C ovarian cancer (diagnosed in Jan, 2009) and my husband was diagnoed with prostate cancer (stage T3) diagnosed in 2002- and just recently shows signs of progression & bone mets.
    I am currently in a clinical trial(have been since Oct. 2011) and receive weekly Taxol plus a trial drug for 3 days.
    My husband just missed out on a clinical trial at Duke so we are pursuing other treatment (?) options at this time. North Carolina ---- wish there were more treatment centersclose by.
    Anyway - I've enjoyed reading the Blog and suppose you all already know that what you all are feeling is certainly shared with us. We have so many similar moments. We've known each other since 1971 and have been married since '74.
    Our Christian Faith gives us the opportunity to thank God for the day, forgive my negatives and start each new day with a clean sheet! I've just started journaling (not such a great writer) yet, but am learning many things from what you all put into words.
    God Bless you both on this journey and know that you all aren't alone. Take Care, Ellen C., NC

  7. Thank you for these wonderful comments!